Dear Catalog of Unfit Toys Consumer:
What makes a toy truly “special”? The joy it brings a child? The memories it evokes from an adult? A dangling chromosome?
If you’re in the market for a unique, unforgettable plaything that almost but can’t quite tug at the heart strings due to a faulty grasping mechanism–or thalidomide–then The Catalog of Unfit Toys has just the game, gadget or gizmo that’s sure to elicit a powerful, piercing response from the tot, toddler or teen in your life.
And bargain hunters, make sure to check out our new Unfit Toys Store at the outlet mall in Paramas, New Jersey (between “It’s Torn But Nice” and “Expiration Date, Schmexpiration Date”). It’s the ideal place for anyone who doesn’t mind a doll missing a limb (or three) and can handle the constant, ear-piercing screams that often come from such hard-luck cases.
Francesco Marciuliano, Unfit Toys CEO